Reach between my thighs...

...and feel how alive you make me.

911 Trolled!

Me: Hello 911 there's like a thousand dead people here!

Police: where are you!?

Me: At the cemetery.

I like to stand in front of the mirror and open tightly sealed jars...

...so I can practice my O-face.

You should understand it! :/

I'm not perfect, I make mistakes, I hurt people, but when I say sorry, I actually mean it.

Whatever part of your body accidentally brushes up against mine while we're on the subway

is mine now.

So true about Online Friends!!

I hate when you talk to someone every single day & then it just stops. All of a sudden neither of you say a word to each other ever again.

ASCII LIFE!

Thug life: 🔫🍺💰🔫🔪🔫🍺💰🔫🔪🔫🍺💰🔫

Drug life: 💊💉💊💉💊💉💊💉💊💉💊💉💊💉💊

My life: 📱📺💻💤🍕🍗🍟🍔🎧📱📺💻💤🍕🍗🍟🍔🎧📱📺💻💤🍕

I choose my lipstick color

based on how it will look on your cock.

That's Right!

Be crazy.

Be stupid.

Be silly.

Be weird.

Be whatever.

Because life is too short to be anything but happy.