I like my bed more than I like most people.

Well, what can I do! People are so mean -_-

If you have scruffy facial hair,

I will automatically drop my panties for you.

She said:

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Doing what you love is freedom.

Liking what you do is happiness.

Nobody wins in the fight between your brain and heart.

Its you who lose

Don;t mess with me!

if you wake me up by turning on all the lights, there’s a 100% chance that I’ve already started planning 10 different ways to kill you

Reach between my thighs...

...and feel how alive you make me.

911 Trolled!

Me: Hello 911 there's like a thousand dead people here!

Police: where are you!?

Me: At the cemetery.

I like to stand in front of the mirror and open tightly sealed jars...

...so I can practice my O-face.